Awhile ago I wrote a post about what I’ve learnt through other people’s relationships. I thought I’d do a follow up post because really, there is so much to learn through observing other people’s behaviour.
Relationships can be tricky but they don’t have to be difficult. They only really need a few things to work but for some reason a lot of people can’t manage it. To me a relationship must have trust, honesty and respect. Without those they simply do not work. Here’s what I’ve learnt through other people’s relationships.
- Without trust a relationship can not function. I think it’s ok to sometimes doubt your partner with good reason but if at the end of the day you don’t 100% trust your partner and they don’t 100% trust you, you’ll spend the whole relationship anticipating the next step. For example, two people I know got together whilst both cheating on their partners. They eventually started dating but every time one spoke to a member of the opposite sex the other was left wondering if they were cheating and all hell would break loose. The reason leads me to my next point.
- Honesty. People aren’t stupid and can generally pick up if you are being dishonest. A partner is usually one of the closest people to you so it makes sense that they’ll be able to see the clues. Again, a partner is usually someone who knows you inside and out so it baffles me as to why you wouldn’t be honest with them. Case in point – the couple I mentioned above could not be truthful to each other. Despite months of couples counselling one continuously lied to their partner about their escapades and the other downplayed theirs. Their lack of honesty with each other eventually lead them to stop respecting each other and their relationship and that leads me to my next point.
- Respect. Respect is so important. We respect those around us who deserve it and who we value as people so again, it makes sense that your partner would be worthy of that. It’s about taking into consideration the other people in your life and understanding how your actions impact them. It doesn’t mean always doing what’s best for them but it does mean looking at the consequences. As with the above couple they became so comfortable in their relationship and the dynamics of it that neither one had any respect left for the other to simply admit they couldn’t go on with the relationship and break up.
Eventually this couple did break up and break up for good which was a blessing for us all who were involved in their lives. The partner who simply could not stop cheating eventually ended up in an open relationship with a new main partner and they couldn’t be happier. The other partner is now happily married with a partner who doesn’t cheat and they are expecting a baby in a couple of months. To me it seems that this couple learnt from their previous relationship and made good on their new one.
But it just goes to show that without these 3 main ingredients, relationships become far more work than they need to be and if you want to work through it, great, but if you don’t it might just be time to suck it up and let it go.
What do you think are key ingredients for a successful relationship?